Sunday was my first Mother's Day as a mother. I had no idea the pressure I was in for. In the days leading up to it, TV commercials bombarded us with ads for chocolate, KFC chicken so mom doesn't have to cook, and bracelets from Kay Jewelers. It's poised as a day (1 day a year) for mom to be selfish...to put herself above her family.
Growing up my family wasn't big on the hallmark holidays, so I didn't have grand expectations of the day. Although, I have to admit secretly a day to be selfish was appealing. Life has been...complicated. Motherhood is selfless and hard and thankless (at least right now). I told my husband and my daughter, all I wanted was to go for a run at the end of the day. As the day was winding down I donned my running gear scooped up my girl, grabbed the buggy and off we went. I was thrilled, exhilarated, for about 5 minutes. Then E. started to fuss. I tried giving her her pacifier. I tried walking at an even pace. I even tried holding her to help her sleep. All to no avail. In a near state of tears with a hysterical baby in my arms I called my husband. "Can you come get us?" We needed a rescue.
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| *pre-meltdown |
I'm not proud of myself in the moments leading up to our rescue. I was complaining out loud about how pissed I was. It was Mother's Day! Didn't I deserve something! It was MY day, the TV had been telling me so for weeks.
A story my dad tells popped into my head a day later. One night we as a family we're chatting about how we only prayed at the dinner table when company was around. One of us asked why. My dad said because it made more sense to thank Mom for cooking (because little kids tend to complain. "Green beans again?! I hate chicken!") Than to pray and leave her unthanked. I like that better than one day a year of selfishness for mom. It feels better, peaceful, uplifting for the whole family. It fits with the notion of loving each other everyday.
Today E. woke up at 5a. She ate. We cuddled. And then I realized what a gift, I had time to go for a run before the whirlwind of the day! Dad offered to stay in bed with our little princess so I could have the whole 45 min to myself!
Mother's Day on Tuesday!
