This new life of parenting...

The thought of being a working mom with two little kids can significantly overwhelm me if I let it. In my love of spontaneity and winging it lifestyle, I suddenly find myself totally frozen. Overwhelmed with choices, and chores, and little needy people. Because of this, my journey of embracing parenthood has also meant embracing some lifestyle changes. As the author "From Frazzled to Focused" says, "allowing yourself to envision doing things differently is a formidable gift you can give to yourself" (Be warned, I will repeatedly quote this book, it is speaking my language!). As a mom I find I want to do it all! And as the author warns "not having a clear sense of what your top priorities are will lead you to focus on the wrong things." So in my frazzled chaotic state I'm turning from focusing on all the wrong things to setting some priorities.

"Systemizing allows you to leverage your time and minimize needless thinking and planning so you can do things you choose to do smarter and in the best way you can." When I first read that sentence it felt so liberating. It still does, every time I read it. AND I'm happy to say, having a meal plan (even a simple one that includes macaroni and cheese and spaghetti) is really helping. It takes away the agonizing moment when Jay and I look at each other (tired and hungry ourselves, with a crying child) and ask each other, "whats for dinner?"

So now that we've done a couple of weeks of dinner meal planning I'm thinking about what's the next frontier. What is that next system or plan that would continue to empower me and free up some of that crippled head space for things I really care about? Maybe it's a clean/dirty sign for the dishwasher so everyone knows when they can load their own dirty dishes. Maybe it's some wipes in a nice container on the bathroom sink so people can wipe it down daily cutting down on the grossness that is happening there currently. Maybe it's planning when I do laundry better so the dry, clean and unfolded laundry doesn't sit for a week waiting to be folded.

This life of "libearation through systemization" is a great life. Six months from now with TWO kids, I'll be planning my menus, organizing my wardrobe, AND having a consistent date night with your spouse set in stone, along with a pre-booked babysitter.

Bulgur Risotto with Corn and Shrimp

Bulgur Risotto with Corn and Shrimp

Yield: Makes 4 servings

INGREDIENTS

2 Tbs olive oil

3 cloves garlic, finely chopped

1 c. bulgur wheat

1/2 tsp. salt

12 oz fresh or frozen shrimp (shelled and devined)

      *we use salad shrimp or shrimp meat

2 c. corn

1 medium red bell pepper, cored, seeded and chopped

1 lime juiced

1/4 tsp. red pepper flakes (optional)

PREPARATION

Heat oil in a large pot over medium heat. Cook garlic, stirring for 30 seconds; add bulgur and salt; stir 1 minute more. Gradually stir in 2 cups hot water, 1/2 cup at a time (waiting until bulgur absorbs it to add more), until bulgur is slightly soupy, 8-10 min. You may or may not use all the water. Add shrimp. Add corn, bell pepper, juice from lime and red pepper flakes; stir, adding water to keep mixture creamy. Cook, stirring, until corn and peppers and shrimp are warmed through, 1-2 minutes.

NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION

Per serving 347 cal., 9.6g fat (1.3g saturated), 45g carbohydrates, 8g fiber, 24g protein

Today I learned...

...about Stefan Lux. I get a daily email update with the media buzz from the previous day. Each day also poses a Question of the Day, and the answer to the previous day's question. 

Yesterday's question was "In 1936, a Jewish journalist and poet entered the assembly hall of The League of Nations in Geneva and shot himself, committing suicide before the entire group. Who was it, and why did he do it?"

The answer is Stefan Lux, "who shot himself in an effort to alert world leaders of Germany's increasing antisemitism, expansionism, and militarism." His last words were "C'est le dernier coup" ("This is the final blow,"). Most tragically Lux and his work has been mostly forgotten.

Taking the challenge

With this new season of life, going out for dinner 3-4 nights a week is no longer a viable option. One, now that Emerson is eating its getting expensive, it's also hard to find foods that are healthy and good for her growing body. Two, by the time we get home, settle in a bit, pee the dog, and get back out the door it's nearly bedtime. This makes for a rushed, awkward dinner. So its been a growing goal of mine to plan and cool meals throughout the week.

I'm excited to take the Real Food Challenge. I've even talked my family into doing it across the country. We've even picked out a hashtag, #caylessgirlscook. So I apologize that for the next month this blog will be filled with more family food related topics than...saving the world topics.

Onward!

Having a baby was easy being a parent is hard...

When Emerson was first born I felt like I had a total grasp on having a baby. The transition was relatively simple. It was for all intents and purposes exactly as I had expected. Less sleep, painful nipples for a while, but over all my life stayed the same. I could take Emerson everywhere, stick her in a wrap and off we went. Grocery shopping, momma baby yoga, visiting friends, days out with dad. She was a trooper, totally relaxed, could nap anywhere, breastfeeding left us unencumbered; as long as we were together life was good. Then she turned 6 months old, she started being too curious to nap out and about, she started to put everything in her mouth, and she needed time at home to practice crawling and being mobile.

Suddenly, I felt tied down. I couldn't do whatever I wanted. Life HAD to change. Oh! And we found out we're expected a second child and I really felt tied down. I vented my frustrations on facebook and the outpouring of encouragement and "this is totally normal" was amazing. I've been pondering what this means for me. It can at times feel like I am loosing myself, like I have to give up all these things. And the truth is I do. I'm a mom now. But I can also take advantage of the nicer moments; like playing in the livingroom with Emerson and Thor. Or going for a run on Friday morning while she naps in the buggy.

I have to say, embracing this new stage by enjoying time at home with my kiddo, by taking the time to prepare meals ahead of time (before the work week starts) and by embracing the alone time that I've been craving while she naps has been liberating. It's better than trying to ignore that life is different. I actually like this new phase. Bring on that second kid.

Mother's Day on Tuesday

Sunday was my first Mother's Day as a mother. I had no idea the pressure I was in for. In the days leading up to it, TV commercials bombarded us with ads for chocolate, KFC chicken so mom doesn't have to cook, and bracelets from Kay Jewelers. It's poised as a day (1 day a year) for mom to be selfish...to put herself above her family.

Growing up my family wasn't big on the hallmark holidays, so I didn't have grand expectations of the day. Although, I have to admit secretly a day to be selfish was appealing. Life has been...complicated. Motherhood is selfless and hard and thankless (at least right now). I told my husband and my daughter, all I wanted was to go for a run at the end of the day. As the day was winding down I donned my running gear scooped up my girl, grabbed the buggy and off we went. I was thrilled, exhilarated, for about 5 minutes. Then E. started to fuss. I tried giving her her pacifier. I tried walking at an even pace. I even tried holding her to help her sleep. All to no avail. In a near state of tears with a hysterical baby in my arms I called my husband. "Can you come get us?" We needed a rescue.

*pre-meltdown

I'm not proud of myself in the moments leading up to our rescue. I was complaining out loud about how pissed I was. It was Mother's Day! Didn't I deserve something! It was MY day, the TV had been telling me so for weeks.

 A story my dad tells popped into my head a day later. One night we as a family we're chatting about how we only prayed at the dinner table when company was around. One of us asked why. My dad said because it made more sense to thank Mom for cooking (because little kids tend to complain. "Green beans again?! I hate chicken!") Than to pray and leave her unthanked. I like that better than one day a year of selfishness for mom. It feels better, peaceful, uplifting for the whole family. It fits with the notion of loving each other everyday. 

Today E. woke up at 5a. She ate. We cuddled. And then I realized what a gift, I had time to go for a run before the whirlwind of the day! Dad offered to stay in bed with our little princess so I could have the whole 45 min to myself! 

Mother's Day on Tuesday!

SOAKED WHOLE WHEAT & CINNAMON RIASIN BREAD

I've been thinking a lot about nourishment recently. Maybe it's being a new mom and breastfeeding. Maybe it's always been a curiosity and maternity leave has given me the space to explore. Maybe it's the influence of our pediatrician who strongly believes in the power of food and nutrition for health. Maybe it's all of the above (probably this one). Baking has always intimidated me, but I've been branching out. Today I tried my hand at bread. It turned out BEAUTIFULLY!

SOAKED WHOLE WHEAT & CINNAMON RAISIN BREAD

INGREDIENTS

1 c. whole milk (I use raw)
1 1/4 c. water
5 1/2 - 6 c. whole wheat flour
2 Tbs apple cider vinegar
2 tsp sea salt
4 tsp active dry yeast
1/4 c. honey





For Cinnamon Raisin Bread:
2-3 tsp ground cinnamon
1/4 c. honey
1/2 c. raisins

INSTRUCTIONS

1. In the bowl of a stand mixer, combine milk, water, vinegar and flour (one c. at a time). The dough should be sticky and a bit stiff. Cover the bowl with a towel. Allow to sit overnight (12-24 hrs.).
2. After the soaking period, add the honey, salt, and yeast to the flour mixture. Attach the dough hook and knead dough for 8-10 minutes. Depending on the flour, you may need a 1/2 c. more flour to reach stiff, workable dough.
3. Cover the bowl with a towel. Allow the dough to rise in a warm place for 1 - 1 1/2 hrs. until doubled in size.
4. Once doubled in size, gently punch down and form the dough into two equal balls.
5. If making sandwich bread, roll one ball with a rolling pin into a rectangular shape. Roll dough into a loaf and place in a buttered bread pan.
6. If making Cinnamon Raisin Bread, roll one ball with a rolling pin into a rectangular shape. Spread the dough with honey, then sprinkle the 2-3 teaspoons of cinnamon, and 1/2 c. of raisins. Roll the dough into a loaf and place in a buttered bread pan.
7. Preheat the oven to 350F.
8. Cover the pans with a towel and allow to rise as oven preheats (30 minutes).
9. Bake for 40 minutes.
10. Allow to cool before slicing.

*Thanks to Kristin and her blog Livesimply.me for the great recipe!!

Caffeine on the go...

Homemade coffee shots. YUM!

How Shall I Pray?

How shall I pray?
    Are tears prayers, Lord?
    Are screams prayers,
        or groans
            or sighs
                or curses?
Can trembling hands be lifted to you,
    or clenched fists
        or the cold sweat that trickles down my back
            or the cramps that knot my stomach?
Will you accept my prayers, Lord,
    my real prayers,
        rooted in the muck and mud and rock of my life,
and not just my pretty, cut-flower, gracefully arranged
    bouquet of words?
Will you accept me, Lord,
    as I really am,
        messed up mixture of glory and grime?
Lord, help me!
Help me to trust that you do accept me as I am,
that I may be done with self-condemnation
    and self-pity,
        and accept myself.
Help me to accept you as you are, Lord:
    mysterious,
        hidden,
            strange,
                unknowable;
and yet to trust
    that your madness is wiser
        than my timid, self-seeking sanities,
and that nothing you've ever done
    has really been possible,
so I may dare to be a little mad, too.

   

What I've been reading...

Staying home with little E. has give me a little bit of time to do some more longform reading which is great! Here's a look at my recent reading list, gathered almost solely from my twitter friends.

Current events:

• Conflict Risk Alert for South Sudan, Ukraine, Venezuela, Yemen from the International Crisis Group - CrisisWatch Conflict Alert
• POTUS Bungled His Negotiations with Vladimir Putin
• Russia's position explained - The crisis in Crimea could lead the world into a second cold war

Curious Longform:

• Only people with privilege have the time to argue the semantics of #banbossy
• Saving Little Mogadishu by Dorothee Moisan
• The Future Looks Good by Lesley Nneka Arimah
• Branson: Behind the Mask [book review] by David Runciman

Empty Me

Gracious and Holy One,
    creator of all things
        and of emptiness,
I come to you
    full of much that clutters and distracts,
        stifles and burdens me,
            and makes me a burden to others.
Empty me now
    of gnawing dissatisfactions,
        of anxious imaginings,
            of fretful preoccupations,
    of nagging prejudices,
        of old scores to settle,
            and of the arrogance of being right.
Empty me
    of the ways I unthinkingly think of myself as powerless,
        as a victim,
             as determined by sex, age, race,
                 as being less than I am,
                     or as other than yours.
Empty me
    of the disguises and lies
        in which I hide myself from other people
             and from my responsibility
                  for my neighbors and for the world.
Hollow cut in me a space
in which I will find myself,
    find peace and a whole heart,
        a forgiving spirit and holiness,
             the springs of laughter,
         and the will to reach boldly
             for abundant life for myself
                 and the whole human family.

Lead Me Out of My Doubts and Fears

Eternal God,
lead me now
    out of the familiar setting
        of my doubts and fears,
    beyond my pride

        and my need to be secure
into a strange and graceful ease
    with my true proportions
        and with yours;
that in boundless silence
    I may grow
        strong enough to endure
            and flexible enough to share
                your grace.

Bless What Eludes My Grasp

Lord, so many things skitter through my mind,
and I give chase to gather them
    and hold them up in a bunch to you,
but they go this way and that
    while I go that way and this...
So, gather me up instead

and bless what eludes my grasp but not yours:
    trees and bees, fireflies and butterflies,
    roses and barbecues, and people...
Lord, the people...bless the people:
    birthday people,
        giving birth people,
            being born people;
    confirmed people,

 dying people,
        dead people;
    hostaged people,
        banged up people,
            held down people;

    leader people,
        lonely people,
            limping people;
    hungry people,
        surfeited people,
            indifferent people;
        first world people,
             second world people,
                 third world people;
        one world people,
            your people,
                all people.
Bless them, Lord.
Bless what eludes my grasp but not yours.

(~ Guerrillas of Grace: Prayers for the Battle)

Listen to me Under My Words

O God,
I come to you now
as a child to my Mother,
      out of the cold which numbs
          into the warm who cares.
Listen to me inside,
      under my words

      where the shivering is,
in the fears
      which freeze my living,
in the angers
      which chafe my attending,
in the doubts
      which chill my hoping,
in the events  
      which shrivel my thanking,
in the pretenses
      which stiffen my loving.

Listen to me, Lord,
as a Mother,
      and hold me warm,
          and forgive me.
Soften my experiences
      into wisdom,

my pride
      into acceptance,
my longing
      into trust,
and soften me
      into love
          and to others
              and to you.

(Guerrillas Of Grace, by Ted Loder)

UN Report of the Commission of Inquiry on Human Rights in the Democratic People's Republic of Korea

Earlier this week the UN released a 400 page report on the abuses experienced in North Korea. It is a staggering report. As Adrian Hong said, the "abundance of evidence presented to civilization removes any remaining excuses for inaction. History will judge us." The only problem is, none of this is new. I've been aware of North Korea and their abuses since I started grad school in 2007, and none of this is new to me. So yes, history will judge us based on what we do now and what have not done in the past. Click HERE for the full report.

• UN North Korea Report puts China in Uncomfortable Position [WSJ]
• UN's North Korea report: Main Findings [BBC]
• Why North Korea probably won't change despite damning UN report [CNN]
• The UN report on North Korea: Four things to know [Washington Post]

Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy

If we want to be Christians, we must have some share in Christ's large-heartedness by acting with responsibility and in freedom when the hour of danger comes, and by showing a real sympathy that springs not from fear, but from the liberating and redeeming love of Christ for all who suffer. Mere waiting and looking on is not Christian behavior. The Christian is called to sympathy and action, not in the first place by his own sufferings, but by the sufferings of his brethren, for whose sake Christ suffered.

~ Bonhoeffer