How Shall I Pray?

How shall I pray?
    Are tears prayers, Lord?
    Are screams prayers,
        or groans
            or sighs
                or curses?
Can trembling hands be lifted to you,
    or clenched fists
        or the cold sweat that trickles down my back
            or the cramps that knot my stomach?
Will you accept my prayers, Lord,
    my real prayers,
        rooted in the muck and mud and rock of my life,
and not just my pretty, cut-flower, gracefully arranged
    bouquet of words?
Will you accept me, Lord,
    as I really am,
        messed up mixture of glory and grime?
Lord, help me!
Help me to trust that you do accept me as I am,
that I may be done with self-condemnation
    and self-pity,
        and accept myself.
Help me to accept you as you are, Lord:
    mysterious,
        hidden,
            strange,
                unknowable;
and yet to trust
    that your madness is wiser
        than my timid, self-seeking sanities,
and that nothing you've ever done
    has really been possible,
so I may dare to be a little mad, too.

   

What I've been reading...

Staying home with little E. has give me a little bit of time to do some more longform reading which is great! Here's a look at my recent reading list, gathered almost solely from my twitter friends.

Current events:

• Conflict Risk Alert for South Sudan, Ukraine, Venezuela, Yemen from the International Crisis Group - CrisisWatch Conflict Alert
• POTUS Bungled His Negotiations with Vladimir Putin
• Russia's position explained - The crisis in Crimea could lead the world into a second cold war

Curious Longform:

• Only people with privilege have the time to argue the semantics of #banbossy
• Saving Little Mogadishu by Dorothee Moisan
• The Future Looks Good by Lesley Nneka Arimah
• Branson: Behind the Mask [book review] by David Runciman

Empty Me

Gracious and Holy One,
    creator of all things
        and of emptiness,
I come to you
    full of much that clutters and distracts,
        stifles and burdens me,
            and makes me a burden to others.
Empty me now
    of gnawing dissatisfactions,
        of anxious imaginings,
            of fretful preoccupations,
    of nagging prejudices,
        of old scores to settle,
            and of the arrogance of being right.
Empty me
    of the ways I unthinkingly think of myself as powerless,
        as a victim,
             as determined by sex, age, race,
                 as being less than I am,
                     or as other than yours.
Empty me
    of the disguises and lies
        in which I hide myself from other people
             and from my responsibility
                  for my neighbors and for the world.
Hollow cut in me a space
in which I will find myself,
    find peace and a whole heart,
        a forgiving spirit and holiness,
             the springs of laughter,
         and the will to reach boldly
             for abundant life for myself
                 and the whole human family.

Lead Me Out of My Doubts and Fears

Eternal God,
lead me now
    out of the familiar setting
        of my doubts and fears,
    beyond my pride

        and my need to be secure
into a strange and graceful ease
    with my true proportions
        and with yours;
that in boundless silence
    I may grow
        strong enough to endure
            and flexible enough to share
                your grace.

Bless What Eludes My Grasp

Lord, so many things skitter through my mind,
and I give chase to gather them
    and hold them up in a bunch to you,
but they go this way and that
    while I go that way and this...
So, gather me up instead

and bless what eludes my grasp but not yours:
    trees and bees, fireflies and butterflies,
    roses and barbecues, and people...
Lord, the people...bless the people:
    birthday people,
        giving birth people,
            being born people;
    confirmed people,

 dying people,
        dead people;
    hostaged people,
        banged up people,
            held down people;

    leader people,
        lonely people,
            limping people;
    hungry people,
        surfeited people,
            indifferent people;
        first world people,
             second world people,
                 third world people;
        one world people,
            your people,
                all people.
Bless them, Lord.
Bless what eludes my grasp but not yours.

(~ Guerrillas of Grace: Prayers for the Battle)

Listen to me Under My Words

O God,
I come to you now
as a child to my Mother,
      out of the cold which numbs
          into the warm who cares.
Listen to me inside,
      under my words

      where the shivering is,
in the fears
      which freeze my living,
in the angers
      which chafe my attending,
in the doubts
      which chill my hoping,
in the events  
      which shrivel my thanking,
in the pretenses
      which stiffen my loving.

Listen to me, Lord,
as a Mother,
      and hold me warm,
          and forgive me.
Soften my experiences
      into wisdom,

my pride
      into acceptance,
my longing
      into trust,
and soften me
      into love
          and to others
              and to you.

(Guerrillas Of Grace, by Ted Loder)

UN Report of the Commission of Inquiry on Human Rights in the Democratic People's Republic of Korea

Earlier this week the UN released a 400 page report on the abuses experienced in North Korea. It is a staggering report. As Adrian Hong said, the "abundance of evidence presented to civilization removes any remaining excuses for inaction. History will judge us." The only problem is, none of this is new. I've been aware of North Korea and their abuses since I started grad school in 2007, and none of this is new to me. So yes, history will judge us based on what we do now and what have not done in the past. Click HERE for the full report.

• UN North Korea Report puts China in Uncomfortable Position [WSJ]
• UN's North Korea report: Main Findings [BBC]
• Why North Korea probably won't change despite damning UN report [CNN]
• The UN report on North Korea: Four things to know [Washington Post]