Dealing...

Psalm 62.6-14 [from Sunday's liturgy]

My soul in silence waits for God;

I hope in God alone;

My rock and health, I shall not be

Shaken or overthrown.

In God, my refuge and strong rock

My true salvation lies;

Pour out your hearts and trust in the One

In whom our refuge lies.

The great are but a fleeting breath,

Trust in the lowly fails;

They are all lighter than a breath

When tested on the scales.

Trust not in wrong, in robbery

Do not take empty pride;

Although your riches may increase,

Let them not be your guide.

Once has God spoken, twice I heard

That power is God's alone,

And steadfast love is yours, O Lord,

To whom all deeds are known.

This year, I wanted to come up with a word for 2012. I'm sure in hindsight, I'll look at this and laugh at the audacity of coming up with one word to describe a year that hasn't happened yet. BUT I did come up with a word: "contentment"

It already is a struggle and it shouldn't be. I want to be content when things are going swimmingly, and when they seem to be off kilter. Right now they seem to be off kilter. It is my hope that I can trust God to take care of us Ferguson's, he has before, but I feel so much anxiety over things I have zero control over. Seems lame, such a waste of my energy, right? I know it won't change things, it won't make waiting easier (makes it worse actually) but I sometimes feel incapable of resting in the knowledge that I will be cared for. [By way of explanation, there's nothing wrong here at our house, I'm just job hunting and obviously feeling a little lost...]

As Steve reminded us in his sermon on Sunday, Jesus is the leader, we follow Him. While the journey may feel aimless, unknown and dark, each day puts me closer to His Kingdom. "My soul in silence waits for God..."